she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
