I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
