i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
