Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
How does it feel to date your dad?
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
