All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
