At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
You smell like stripper and shame
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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