My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
