Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
