Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
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