A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
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