now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
