i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
