I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
