dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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