she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
