my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
