yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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