Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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