I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Randomize
