yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
