she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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