I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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