I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
