There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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