how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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