R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
