Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize