Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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