She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
