She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
