Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
