Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
