I could have mohawked her pubes.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Randomize
