Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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