We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
