How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
