Michael Bay diarrhea
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
