I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
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