I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
