and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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