Say something about gay babies.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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