Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
