how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
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