Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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