Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
