I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
