Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Randomize
