I got chris browned last night
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
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