I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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