I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
