they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
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We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
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I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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