her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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