You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
