I queefed so loud it echoed.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
