Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Of course I have a pirate flag
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Randomize
