its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
how does that bad decision feel?
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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