I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
