i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
My breasts were aching with rage.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Randomize
