If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
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