well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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