you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize