ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
