What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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