I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
