people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
