were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
