wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
