I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
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I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
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