Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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