Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
