hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
