i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
