I feel like abortions should bother me more
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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